The Trials and blessings of a natural gift to mothers

I have been a mom for almost three months now. 

I know that I have neglected my  

blog, facebook, e-mail, and such... 

but I have a beautiful, smiley, sweet, blue eyed

red haired little darling for an excuse.

I love being a mama. 

It has opened my eyes to the wonderful blessing 

of my own mother...

Something i did not appreciate when I was younger

and regret profusely. Its an understanding that I think you can

only see after you become a mom. 

To carry a budle of blessing and joy for nine months, 

to nurture and nourish it with your own body is something wonderful

Then to go through the process of labor. to ssuffer through all the pain 

and uncertainty of your ability to do something so hard and something you have 

never done before is quite the feat.

To feel her head crown and her whole 7 pound little body go through the 

birth canal, But  then comes that moment.

The moment of relief, to finally have her out and the doctor finally placing he;r in your arms.

to have her look at you with those very alert beautiful eyes.

This is the moment your love becomes tangible, the moment you know it was worth all the

waiting, the pokes and prods of the doctors, and the pain of labor. 

The moment the world fades away and it is just the two of you...

Fastforward to  now...

I feel as the the Lord has given me a second chance to 

experience another blessing.

To breastfeed my daughter. 

I know it sounds silly and maybe a little confusing. 

Here let me rewind... 

The day my daughter was born, was one of the best day of my life but there was a moment that

made things hard for this little mama. 

while pregnant I tried to do as much as I could to get ready for her birth, 

but sometimes no matter how hard you try things 

just have those little speed bumps that slow the process down. 

The nurses  gave her to me to try to nurse and she; latched well,

she was one of those they call a natural, she knew what she was doing.

 But my body protested and my nipples cracked and started bleeding

 immediately. By the time I got home from the hospital both sides were cracked and bleeding.

No matter how many different positions we tried It hurt

I felt like red hot needles were piercing my breasts and

 I would sit and cry because of  the pain.

Please don't think I mean to discourage anybody , 

quite the contrary. I wish to let others know  so those young women 

who have struggles can say "I can do this, I will do this"

I didn't want to give up. 

I guess that's where my determination comes in  (The good side of my stubbornness)

Not only was there pain, but  she kept falling asleep, so she wasn't getting what she needed

and my milk supply wasn't getting a good establishment.

That first week home, it felt like we were going every day to our pediatrician 

just to check her weight which was going down and wasn't getting better.

after a few days of things not working I tried pumping.

I got half an ounce, and she wanted more.  I woke my husband up 

and had him go to the store and get bottle stuff we needed..

. later we ended up settling on "Dr Browns" because regular bottles were causing her tummy troubles.

 

This struggle went on for about a week when one night I was walking the floor with 

her and she and I were both crying, she because she was hungry, me because I couldn't

do anything. My husband woke up and I told him to get the formula... (I had gotten samples in the mail)

That was the first time  we gave her formula, the first time she slept full and satisfied, and first time I felt like I 

had failed in this situation. 

The next day we had another appointment and our doctor weighed her... she was right at the
10%  weight loss  mark... :(  It was labor day weekend  so we had a long weekend ahead
of us and she suggested  I pump, give her everything and supplement. We would see where she was after that. All the while my milk was increasing.  (We only supplemented for about a week or so to get her weight up, and my supply of extra bottles of milk up which  eventually did work and we were back on just my milk, the supplementing lasted about a week)
 Through this whole ordeal I had a few people who were mad at me for even trying to breastfeed.
 they openly said so and made sure I heard (or over heard) what they thought about it.
When you hear things like "That baby isn't getting enough." "She needs to stop because some women just can't breast feed" "That baby cries too much, you need to switch to formula"
And this from the person who told us to let her cry because they need to learn
how to self sooth...
So the stress was not helping my milk levels, and then hearing the formula thing from the dr
was so discouraging I cried all the way home. heartbroken
 (Remember by this time I am at a really low point, and still emotional from hormones.)
I felt like a failure, like it was my fault this had happened and that things were not quite right.

But the Lord reached down and picked me up.
My husband rallied behind me was my encouragement
and researched and told me everything he found out, helped whenever we tried to latch on
(he was right there listening to the lactation consultant, and helping me every way he could)

When we started trying to nurse again later, he was right there telling me how proud he was of us.
And the ladies at my church were awesome  encouraged me in every way that
they could suggested way to help me heal  encouraged me to keep trying  and told me that it was better to pump and give the milk than give up completely

All in all  I have dealt with low milk supply, cracked and bleeding nipples, clogged ducts, milk blisters. , and  pain of over stimulation from pumping.

In all these trials, God has shown me true blessing.
Even when it is hard, even when you feel like a failure,
even when your not  sure if you can go on with it and even when the obstacles
seem overwhelming and insurmountable.
If you persevere unto the end you get the reward.
 You see nothing compares to the moments you spend nursing your child.
Bottle feeding and pumping does not compare It truly is something magical and wonderful
to receive that blessing

I also have noticed that there is a difference in her.
she is more of a happy contented
baby than she was before and I thought that couldn't happen.

So, no I don't regret not being able to do this from the beginning, yes it was hard,
but it made me stronger and gave perspective.
When I was younger I thought its so easy, not gonna be a problem.
But breastfeeding is hard, that's not a bad thing
Don't be afraid to say something is hard,
lots of things that are good are hard
I am joyful that not everyone has to struggle with  nursing,
But to those of us who do have to work all that much harder,
The moments that we do succeed are that much more precious
and  that much more satisfying.
 to know that we earned these moments, that these moments are the payment
for every ounce of hard work (pun intended)
In the end I am so much more thankful for the moments when we are snuggled up
or she stops nursing long enough to smile at me. than if It had come so easy to me.

 

Baby's first picture....

           

The other day we went for our march Doctors visit. :)

all went well and my blood work came back clear. 

The doctor went to check our little punkin's heartbeat...

Well He/She had other plans... my oh my.

The baby decided to play a little game of hide and seek...

We tried like three of four times and kept picking up my heartbeat...

at first I was just fine no worries...

But then we sat the lobby for about twenty minutes waiting for the 

ultra-sound room... 

Then the Worry hit me. and for about five or ten minutes

 I was scared not being able to hear the little heartbeat. 

To me it has been a reassuring thing knowing my 

baby's heart is still beating and that He/She  is OK

But is was Awesome to see the baby, 

and witness the amazing creation God is forming in my womb.

pregnant... :)

hey ... 

 today I thought I would give you a pregnancy update...

although I am  not sure there is much going on lol.

 I can say that I am not nauseous or sick of any kind. which is a blessing.

And Lord willing I will continue to be that way. 

 I watched my poor Sister-in-Law sick practically the whole nine months 

with my dear little niece and I prayed that I wouldn't be... 

We haven't gone to the doctor yet and there is so much that we haven't been able to 

do because of Christmas holidays and weather...

 (I know there was only a few inches, but down here the weather 

stops everyone lol )

Pray that we will be able to get on Tenncare.

It's a program to help low income families with small children and women 

who are pregnant get the care they need. 

And with Willie in school it will be a blessing.

I think we will  try and go tomorrow. :) not sure. :)

Another of the major symptoms I am having is going to the bathroom... 

Willie laughs at me all the time because I will just take off running...

and he usually can guess where lol :)

I have had an increased appetite... lol

and am exhausted all the time... sleep half the day and most of the night.  ;) 

well I better let you go because I am beginning to get a little tired...

 

...zzzzzzzzzzzz ;)
oh P.S. ... If you were wondering why there is a cute little picture of a pumpkin
I have been calling the baby punkin'  :)

 

Hello... :)

Sorry haven't posted as often as I would like, I have a lot on my plate right now

and it is just beginning to slow down.... 

Wednesdays are becoming a little less busy for me, The choir has stopped for 

the summer season, we still have Sunday mornings, and that will last until June 27'th 

Although we may be cutting it shorter than that- At least for me. :)  

Willie and I are going to be quite busy this summer, with two possible trips

none of which are set in stone, which I would like them to be. :)

The first, I  am truly wanting, but uncertain about... the second

is a trip to Romania. I would not be going, but Willie would....

It cost around  $2400 and it would only be for eight days in July. 

Willie says that he thinks I'll be praying against it... (just kidding)

Because I worry so much..., lol :)

But, I really am praying For God's will,and if thats where he wants my man

I will stand behind him and support him with prayer.

The First trip would be to Montana, in June, It would be to see my family

and have fun, but we are still uncertain, and not really sure we would be able

to go, if the Romania trip works out... :(

We still may go, but less time, 

So you see I have this big struggle.

Wanting to be selfish, tell him he can't go, and we go to Montana.

But that won't work...

That would be disobeying God, cause problems in my relationship with my future hubby,

and be just plain dumb! lol

So I'm praying about it. Giving it to God, and trusting him.

So If you guys could be praying with me, that would be wonderful. :)

Willie's Bubble Theory

Willie has this theory, it's actually a pretty good theory and it describes me very well.

I worry about everything, even things that are really ok on their own, but because of this I panic over very trivial things its just plain silly half the time.and the other half, well I really shouldn't worry, because God's got it under control. :)

OK here's the Theory:

Jessica is in a bubble

and she has put everything around her in a bubble.

And these bubbles are her way of organizing her life. Anyway,

When ever one of these bubbles pop,

she panics!

Never mind that it has in no way harmed her bubble,

or even dented, scratched, or gashed the surface. It still messed with "her bubbles"

Now keep in mind, that I worry about everything,

so in my mind it affects me when something is out of place.

Now in order for a "bubble" to pop something must go wrong, or turn up missing,

or just plain does NOT work out

I have gotten considerably better at not panicking

but for someone who worries, thats like telling them to not breathe lol

In other words, I feel like that yellow fish in Finding Nemo

You know the one that is always going after the bubbles

"Bubbles... bubbles, bubbles, My Bubbles"

So Now you know what I am talking about when I say a bubble popped. ;)